Danny got engaged today. I'm not going down anytime soon. I'm taking a dump.

I swear this current dump is more tiring than a 3 mile jog in the 90 degree sun. I'm beat and it's not even over.

I'm taking a dump at a Baja Fresh in Venice Beach. Let me tell you, the Pico de Gallo is about the only thing that's fresh now.

Yesterday I ate a bag of popcorn and a bowl of peanuts in the evening. Need I say more? Ok, I will. This dump is rather difficult and coarse.

My dumps smell worse in California. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I just emancipated a butt-slug.

I'm taking one that reeks.

I'm taking a big one. This may take a few minutes.

This toilet is now like a 5-Star restaurant for dogs.

Gray's toilet now looks like a tar pit, brown tar that is.

I'm taking a nasty dump.

I'm taking a stinkzilla. The local Japanese are running from me while constantly looking over their shoulders.

I'm taking a biggun. It started shotgun style, but now the outward movement has slowed to that of a stubborn Heinz 57 bottle (of ketchup).

I'm taking a dump.

I'm taking a big one. It's brown. Has a bit of a Jack Daniel's odor to it.

(Editor's Note: This message was not about going number two, but it is about going number one, so I feel it should be included.)

I just peed in the soap at the bar I was in. So people are going to be washing their hands with my pee.

Venomous Turd Snakes are slithering out my butthole. Their venom smells.

I'm dropping a stinky mess.

I'm taking a dump.

I usually don't write about dumps after having taken them, but in this case I'll make an exception: glorious.

I'm shitting poop like a guy that drank 10 beers, 3 Jack & Cokes, and ate breakfast for dinner last night.