I want to make a toilet seat that has a mic and speaker built in so your bowel movements are recorded and amplified. I'm taking a big noisy one now.

Thought I was going to get some last night. Didn't. Now I'm taking a dump.

I'm taking a Big Crapple (I'm in New York).

I'm taking a most presidential dump at JFK airport.

My dump smells like spinach. That makes sense considering I ate spinach last night.

It's amazing what a few days away from heavy drinking will do for your dumps. It's as if rancid stuff from months ago is coming out.

I heard you're a gym rat now? You should get a weightlifting belt and some workout pants (zebra pattern). I'm taking a dump.

Now, imagine me wiping my butt.

I'm taking a pasty morning dump.

I'm taking my first dump as a Texan.

I pissed on a Lotus last night.

Editor's note: While this text is not about taking a dump, I feel it deserves inclusion in this website.

I'm making a foul turd casserole.

I'm taking a dump.

Back on a California dump and depression schedule. Whiskey at night, brain throbbing turd sessions in the a.m.

I'll probably take a dump on the plane so I won't be able to text. My guts are feeling a little stingy at the moment. Expectations are not high.

Apparently it takes 3 weeks to digest beef. According to that fact I am now dumping March's BBQ brisket. And let me tell you it's still moist.

It's 3:30 and I'm on my 3rd dump of the day. Yeah drinking!

Taking a big dump. I'm moving to Austin. You should consider it.

I'm drunk. Yes, drunk at 10:30am. Went on a tear last night. I'm taking a dump.

The stench comes from deep inside with this dump. I imagine this is what a doctor smells when removing one's lower intestines. Like the killing floor.

Beer dump!

...I'm really considering moving to Austin. I travel so much my base should be somewhere cool. I'm taking a dump.

This dump looks like the Alien from Cloverfield. Can't comment on smell relations.

The never ending dump...

This dump is getting me over my afternoon lull. Dumps have many additional healing powers than just losing weight.

I'm taking a big steamer.

Nothing spells "good morning" like a nice, smooth, healthy, brown, steaming, half floating, half sinking, corn laden, peanut infused, fajita powered dump.