I'm taking a "smelly second" of the day.

Early to bed, early to dump will make a man wealthy, healthy and wise.

I'm gonna take a shower, but I'm gonna take me a shit first. Yeah, a shit before the shower.

Taking a dump so smelly it has cleared my sinuses. This is the first thing I've smelled in days. Wonderful.

After another 11 hour drunk on Sunday, I dump, a weak man. But a man, no less, a man ready for football season.

I'm squeezing one out, quite literally. It sounds like a sick cat vomiting up hair.

During the 16th hour of the 8th month, on the 23rd day of the 2008th year, this man poops.

Editor's note: John, currently living in Texas, is on central time.

I'm just having a cup of Joe and taking a dump. What's going on with you?

Getting a late start today. Shouldn't have drank that bottle of champagne last night. Now my turds are lighter than air.

This dump would be considered a god in some civilizations.

This dump has one of those "eating well in the 3rd world" kinda scents to it.

This dump is anything but perfect. It's a salad dump. Falls slow just like it takes vegetation a long time to grow.

I drank for 12 hours yesterday. This dump may end up taking 12 hours due to sheer exhaustion.

It doesn't quite smell like teen spirt...

Second dump of the day. It reeks of last night's fun. Fun which almost saw me sleep with a 27 year old mother of 3.

I wish I could take a dump in 9.68 seconds. It's more of a distance sport, I guess.

I'm dumping like a madman. I think a book on the bathroom habits of history's most evil figures would be interesting.

I'm taking a rather conservative dump. Interpret that however you'd like.

I think I just had a miscarriage. This dump is about the size of a fetus from the 2nd trimester.

I would love it if one of those Doctors that has to analyze turds had to analyze this dump. Do you think he'd be able to tell I made out with a fatty last night?

Taking a PRD (Pre-Run Dump).

Every generation, a man comes along and takes a dump that redefines how we look at the sport of dumping. This, my friends, is that dump.

Now we're talking dumps. It's as if God himself reached into my lower intestine and with a heavenly touch removed all the fecal matter from my being.

Dump schedule erratic.

Dumps from the day after heavy drinking, puking are never fun.

3rd dump of the day. This one's a burner.

I scored a bunch of free drinks last night, so this beer dump didn't really cost me anything.

I'm giving birth to a small armless/legless/headless ethiopian child, if you know what I mean. In case you don't, I'm taking a dump.

I'm taking a big beer dump (BBD, in case you forgot).