The best part of waking up is taking a six pound dump. But man, this smells nothing like coffee.

This dump looks like a sleeping snake.

I really don't understand how so much poop comes out when all I did was drink beer yesterday. I'm convinced there's something in the water here.

This is the kind of dump you wish to take at a 5 star hotel or at an ex-girlfriend's house.

I'm taking a post jambalaya dump.

This dump is from deep within. I can breathe better now. Pressure is relieved.

I just squeezed out a nice turd.

I just took a PED... A performance enhancing dump, that is.

We need to start saying "hummer" again. For example, "this dump I am taking is as satisfying as a nice, wet, warm, sloppy, hummer."

Between last night's early morning show and this dump, I may be cleaned out for a while. Ahhhhh. Oh yeah.

You should have seen the dump I took at 4 in the morning. It had it all: the burners, the deep stink from within, a greenish brown hue, floaters & sinkers...

The new Friday the 13th is abominable. Possibly the worst remake of all time. I'm taking a dump.

My new drink of choice is the Old Fashioned, classy and smooth, like myself. I'm taking a dump that smells like fresh roadkill on a hot summer's day.

Looks like my dumps are back on tract. Get it? Tract?

I'm taking a healthy deuce.

Brazilian meat is still working its way out of my system. Such style. Such flair. My farts sound like maracas!

If this dump is any indicator the Steelers should be able to "run" the ball effectively today.

The moment is upon us. The dump is also upon us.