My pre-dump fart sounded like a sigh.

High life dump... Cheap enema.

I taking a system cleaner. The third of a trilogy of giant dumps that come about without a meal.

I'm taking a MEMORIAL DUMP. Remember the fallen.

I don't know what it is about my diet but I'm like Medusa with all the snakes I'm unleashing. Don't look my butt in the eye. You may turn into corn.

New Seinfeld joke... If you go there to get pizza and it's called a pizzeria, then what do you call a place you go to die?!

I've eaten my first real meal in 2 days... And now my first real dump in two days. So nice. So nice.

I'm taking my first dump in my first apartment. Very nice to mark my territory.

The toilet struggles to deal with my gift to it.

This dump burns.

This dump is the proper beer dump of the day. Smells a little like death, a little like hope! I have a headache.

What's the difference between a shit and a woman? You don't have to hold a shit for ten minutes after you've laid it.

This dump felt like a slimy cancerous organ was excavated/rejected from my insides.

I had to buy food at McDonald's to use the shitter.

This dump fell from my butt like Alan Rickman from Nakatomi Plaza in Die Hard I.

This is the dump I've been waiting for. Now I'll be able to make it through the day with vigor. It's refreshing like jumping in a cold, smelly lake.

My dump looks like a coiled snake, resting peacefully or awaiting a moment to spring back into my butt.

The only thing that would make this dump better is if it was on a woman's chest.

Man! I got kicked out of the new Yankee stadium last night. I was druuuuuuuuuuunk! Man! I'm taking a big dump.

This dump was, how do you say, fucking painful. I swear it's a pineapple and not a turd. I haven't looked yet.

What does "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and this dump text have in common? Answer: they both reek.

I didn't drink too many beers last night. I should be able to take less than 4 dumps today. I'm on #1 right now. Still, I ate lots of Chinese food....

The second beer dump of the day waited with patience to strike. Twelve hour separation. Respectable tactic. I have been outsmarted.

Beer dump, butt vomit, squishy brown!