Why is it that the moment food touches my lips after a night of drinking that I immediately have to dump. Must be the jalapeno n' egg samich from last night.

I'm jager drunk and I'm pooing.

Taking a buffalo wing sauced dump. Nothing but fire.

I'm taking a big dump. Last night I drank sweet tea flavored vodka. I drank almost the whole bottle.

Taking a dump at a bar. Some drunk Yankee fan thinks I'm a gay gigolo and he's trying to proposition me while his cousin in a Joba jersey flirts with chicks. Dead serious. It's really strange. This dump couldn't have come at a better time! It smells really bad too.

2nd dump of the day. Acid poop.

The early bird takes a big dump thanks to passing out after 12 beers and 4 whiskys around 9 PM. It smells rancid.

I just downloaded the Fart Spangled Banner as my ringtone. I'm taking a patriotic dump now, too.

This dump is like one of those 'snakes' you get at the fireworks store. So much when I wasn't even sure if I had to go.

Toothpaste style dump... End of the tube style. Means my farts will stink all day, until the next dump comes.

I'm pooping out all of the bubble gum of 2002... Only explanation for 7 dumps inside of 60 hours.

This dump is the opposite of a Gatorade... the last of my energy is leaving my body. I'm weak.

Another dump. This is 5 in less than 24 hours. Hopefully it ends soon, for my butt's sake. On the other hand, I must be cleaned out to the max.

4th dump since an hour after the game. Turtle tailing all the way. The wiping frenzy is anarchy. I haven't eaten this much all week. My a-hole screams.

The dump won't stop. After every one I'm left with a turtle tail... Figure it out for yourself.

Birth dump. There is a mexican in the stall next to me having what sounds like an important conversation. He's somber and listening a lot.

Came close to having the runs in my pants again. Managed to get home in time to allow the poo river to flow to its proper sea.

Dark odor.

Taking a knockout punch. Only ate a ham sandwich in the last 24 hours. It's been reduced to 1 knockout blow turd about the size of a roll o' quarters. Deep odor.

I'm taking a Les Miles.

Late night dump. Where do the days go?

Something that resembles a Payday candy bar just fell from my bottom.