I took a dump that stunk at a 9 on a scale of 10 last night. I couldn't even text b/c I needed both hands to protect my nostrils from being burnt by anal smoke.
Whenever my friend John goes number two, he sends his friends a descriptive text message. This is a collection of those messages. John is unaware of this blog. He sends these text messages strictly for his own amusement, but I feel they should be shared with the world.
Disclaimer: Post times reflect the moment I receive his messages (Eastern Standard Time) and may not accurately represent the precise times of his dumps.