Taking a horrendous beer dump, I had corn and brownies for dinner. My morning wood hasn't subsided, so thinks are extra difficult and messy. Couldn't hold it.
Whenever my friend John goes number two, he sends his friends a descriptive text message. This is a collection of those messages. John is unaware of this blog. He sends these text messages strictly for his own amusement, but I feel they should be shared with the world.
Disclaimer: Post times reflect the moment I receive his messages (Eastern Standard Time) and may not accurately represent the precise times of his dumps.