I had to leave my seat at the computer to take my seat at the Throne. My kingdom is small, but has great odor defense system to ward off enemies (and enemas).
Whenever my friend John goes number two, he sends his friends a descriptive text message. This is a collection of those messages. John is unaware of this blog. He sends these text messages strictly for his own amusement, but I feel they should be shared with the world.
Disclaimer: Post times reflect the moment I receive his messages (Eastern Standard Time) and may not accurately represent the precise times of his dumps.