Despite vomiting last night after 6 hours of an "Open Bar, Dude!" I am still taking a rather acidic, rancid dump. I'm pretty sure I dumped at the bar, too. Hmm.
Whenever my friend John goes number two, he sends his friends a descriptive text message. This is a collection of those messages. John is unaware of this blog. He sends these text messages strictly for his own amusement, but I feel they should be shared with the world.
Disclaimer: Post times reflect the moment I receive his messages (Eastern Standard Time) and may not accurately represent the precise times of his dumps.