I got Beerfest drunk last night. Didn't wake up next to Mo'nique, however. Taking a Chocolate Sunday right now!

I've gotten to a point in my life now where i enjoy a hot cup of coffee WHILE taking a dump. Best start of a day (yes, I'm aware it's 12:45 pm.) ever!!!

Taking a big, burrito w/ jalapeno Tuesday dookie. It's the tip of the peppers that create the burning sensation, I avoided them yesterday.

This dump is not my gold medal performance, but it's still not as bad as Schuster's leadership of USA curling (men's).

Taking a nice, peaceful Sunday afternoon dump. Kinda like enjoying a cold glass of lemonade on a hot, southern summer's day... except for the smell.

Tequila splatters! Had a south-of-the-border adventure last night!

Late night squeeze. It's like getting that last bit of ketchup out of the bottle.

Late night butt-nuggets.

What's more offensive to leave unflushed: a bowl of brown soup, or a bowl of giant logs? It may depend on the mood. I'm leaning towards logs.

This dump smells like all the movie popcorn butter I've ingested over the past 3 years. And shit, oh yeah, it also smells like shit. Smells a lot like shit.

Are you rooting for Danica to with the Valentine's Day 500 at Daytona? I'm taking a dump. I hope she wins for Tony Eury Jr.'s case. 0% but it'd be funny.

God Bless low to the ground toilets. Oh yeah, God bless America too.

I'm making "Bathroom Gumbo" to honor the Ain'ts Super Bowl victory & especially to honor Peyton's blowing of the game!

Super Dump Sunday. If I were the halftime show and I had to take a dump mid-field, do you think it'd get more press than Janet Jackson's boob?

I've come to a new scientific conclusion: hard turds that block looser-plentiful dumps are sediment turds. All the gut-dust gathers at bottom of intestine river.

This is a needed butt-vomit after two previous butt-slugs that were slowing down traffic.

This dump smells like toxic waste. Or, at the least, human waste.