Had to hold my first dump of the day till now, 6:30 PM b/c the shoot I was on today had no TP. I don't work often, but when I do I like to skirt duties w/ doody!

This dump kind reminds me of when you kick off the work boots after a long day of being on your feet. Smell included.

The Dumptaker is currently initiating the finishing move of The Last Wipe on the Shitbreak Kid! The Flush Tolls!

I have taken 5 dumps in the last 24 hours. This one can only be described as "bitchin'!"

I'm taking a dump at Rick's Cabaret... a stripper told me she hates WWF b/c it's fake. I told her the love they show us is fake. She walked away shortly after.

Despite vomiting last night after 6 hours of an "Open Bar, Dude!" I am still taking a rather acidic, rancid dump. I'm pretty sure I dumped at the bar, too. Hmm.

You know how the term "blood red" represents a pure, deep, beautiful red color... well, I just achieved "turd brown."

Cheese overload last night led me to dumpless day (yesterday) and now early a.m. turding. Also refrained from hook-up attempt due to sincere poo-smelling farts.

Taking a nice jalapeno dump. It was completely calculated. I needed to feel alive today!

Taking my first spring dump! This will be a glorious year! It smells like daisies and my farts sound like the barks of a puppy.

Wine dump... Wiping is like cleaning mildew off of the grout in the shower.

It's March Madness, and you know what that means... uhhhh, it's actually pretty hard to comparte the tourney to a dump. My dump looks like Mike Kyschevshyloser.

Taking a post Chinatown dump. Got wasted losing in a drinking game called "Liar's Dice" to Chinese Dave. My dump is like a long lo mein noodle! Ah ta ta ta ta!

I have successfully created a "Dump Group" with this new phone. Consider me the Lord and yourselves my apostles in the religion of Holy Shit! Ninja 2:16

I'm at the Whitney Museum's Biennial... I'm adding an installation to their bathroom wing. I'm calling it Turds: a Retrospective Glance into the Intestines!

1st dump with my new Verizon service. This is gonna take some getting used to. So many new features. At least the smell remains the same!

This is the last dump text I will ever send with Spring. Verizon holds the future of my turd tales. This is similar to Dale Jr. leaving DEI.

I'm taking a "streetfooder". I ate a big lamb kebob last night & no cabbie would drive me so long as I was eating it.

Taking a protein packed poo (nice alliteration, me! Nice!) Had all you can eat sushi last night. It's like shitting a school of fish.

Now this is a beer dump!

I'm taking a dump.